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Sunday Musings - July 17, 2022

7/17/2022

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Sunday Musings – July 17, 2022
One community
 
Professional organizations and legislators at all levels of the body politic have fallen into trap of believing that humans are robots who need to be explicitly told what to do and not to do at every step of their professional and community journey.   The result is that individuals in all part of their life often operate from a position of fear and respond by either ignoring all the rules or acting out.  An essential part of his system are professional boards, attorneys, and overzealous law enforcement individuals who are determined to rid the professions and/or community of these rule/law breaking individuals.    To be fair, there are a few places in the world where the goal is restorative justice.  There are also those boards whose only concern is helping the individual do whatever they need to do to do whatever they need to do to return to being the professional they want and need to be.  Too often, however, the relationship between the staff of the organization and the offending professional is an adversarial one. 
 
The point is that most of us are not at our best because there are a thousand rules telling us what to do and not to do.  Most of us are at our best when we take care of our emotional, spiritual. physical and nutritional health. Most of us are at our best when we know it is safe ask for help. 
 
The bottom line is that all ethical guidelines/laws/rules can be summarize as:
 
         Practice the golden rule - treat others as you want to be treated.
         Practice holistic health care.
         Make it safe to ask for help.
         Make it safe to be honest with self and others.
 
Fear is not a good motivator for ethical/moral behavior.  Open carry guns are a symptom of the fear with which many people live.   I do not personally believe that violence or the constant threat of violence is a helpful or necessary for us humans to respect and take care of each other.  I am personally sorry that many seem to interpret the second amendment of the United States Constitution as the right to treat our neighbors as potential enemies.  We may indeed have some unhealthy neighbors, but the solution is to make it safe and easy to ask for help or to help individuals and families get help.  We may indeed have some neighbors who justifiably believe as if their needs and concerns are not important.  We need to do all we can to ensure that all feel as if everything is being done to allow everyone to take good care of themselves and their families.  It is not, for example, helpful to advocate closing down coal mines without addressing the need for coal miners to continue to be paid a wage which allows him or her to take good care of themselves and their family.  Telling a coal miner that one is going to shut down the coal mine and offering them a minimum wage job is not kind, moral or helpful. It is not going to result in the outed coal miner feeling as if he or she is a neighbor and friend.  It may result in feeling as if one is living in enemy territory   Once one believes the person next door is an enemy then it is easy for some to believe that this is the enemy to who, the second amendment protects one from and against whom one must protect oneself with aa lethal weapon.
 
I am in favor of a community without guns or other lethal weapons; a community in which everyone is vaccinated; a community in which everyone wears a mask in public when there is a resurge of variants of Covid or other communicable diseases; a community where it is safe to keep one’s door unlocked because no one has an unequal share of needed resources; a community in which quality health care is available to all; a community where people feel and act as if we are one community; one family.  We are not going to achieve such a community by enacting many laws which do not address the core issues of inequality.  We are not going to creates such a community by making enemies out of each other and enacting new laws to punish our enemies.    I believe such a community is possible.   We will still have mental illness, but we will treat those with mental illness as sick and not as criminals who need to be punished.
 
Just this morning I read of a parent being accused of child abuse because their 4-year wandered off while she was tending to the two-year-old.  She needs a helping hand and not to be treated as a child abuser. 
 
We need each other’s help and not to be judged and punished.  We need community does not wall and guns and hate.
 
 
Written July 17, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 
 
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Who is the patient/client?

7/13/2022

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Who is the patient/client?
 
One of the most misunderstood and misused laws in the field of heath care in the United States is the Health Insurance and Portability Act of 1996  (HIPPA) which was passed in August of 1996 by the 104th congress.  This law had three rules:
 
         The Privacy Rule
         The Security Rule
         The Breach Notification Rule
 
The law instructed the United States Department of Health and Human Services to create the standards for the law.  Anyone can go online and obtain a copy of these standards.
 
Prior to this law health information was often shared by health care officials  through careless handing, ignorance of how it might be misused and direct discrimination.   An employer, spouse or other person might obtain health information to use to discriminate or even abuse someone.  If a heath care professional had a particular bias or prejudice that might be used to limit or even refuse care.  For example, early in the AIDS epidemic some doctors I knew would write HOMOSEXUAL on the patient’s chart which could easily adversely affect the quality of care.  A spouse might obtain information to abuse their spouse.   An adult child’s medical information might be used to attempt to abuse or control the child.  Employers might obtain information about medication or medical care to mistreat an employee or potential employee.   The records might have been easily obtainable to be misused by an employer.  There are numerous examples of community and individual prejudicial , careless or insensitive treatment of patient/client medical information.   Sadly, the response was to pass a law which might have protected some patients/clients but also invited a different level of mistreatment.   Now, even if patently appropriate and beneficial to the patient/client, the heath care provider can and often does refuse to even acknowledge the person is a client or patient.   For example, parents of a seriously mentally ill adult child can be refused information about their son or daughter unless there is an official legal document authorizing them access to the person condition. Until the marriage equality became law (which may be in danger of being repealed) the spouse of a same sex couple could not be involved in decisions or even have access  their spouse/partner.  In short, fear and the fact that health care providers are often very busy  could lead to use of the HIPPA standards to avoid quality and compassionate care based on the needs of the individual and the family.   
 
HIPPA also muddied the rights of a child who has not attained the age of legal consent.  In an article in the American Medical Association Journal of Ethics, August, 2003 Sara Taub Me in an article entitled “Learning to Decide:  Involving Children in their Health Care Decisions, Ms. Taub reminds her colleagues that the United Nations in its Convention on the Rights of the church, “recognizes the right of every child to self-determination, dignity, respect, noninterference, and the right to make informed decisions…They also serve to acknowledge the physician’s primary obligation is to the child, whose preference and insights are helpful to guide decisions.”
 
One of most important issues which all of us health care providers must address when we are dealing with individuals and families. (Legal or otherwise) is : “Who is the patient?” In the case of family issues is it the family, the one who initiated treatment, only the parents or the legal guardian or legal primary custodian.  What is the involvement or rights of the child? Should the opinions and desires of even young children be considered? If a  child is forced into treatment because a professional assessment determined that the child himself or herself and not the parents or legal guardians is struggling to the extent that direct professional help can be beneficial to the child who is the client? If one set of grandparents have temporary legal custody should the other grandparent(s) be involved.   What if temporary custody was awarded to one set of grandparents while the other grandparent(s) is dealing with the aftermath of a family trauma? What if the other grandparent(s) was the one most involved with the minor child prior to the trauma?  Are the issues of who the client is determined by the law, common sense, history or other factors?  How does the health care provider determined what is best for the child assuming, as I have mentioned, that the temporary guardians are the grandparent(s) who were providing temporary care following the trauma?
 
To be sure there are those very young children who are struggling and who may benefit from  individual help but, for the most part, the role of the health care provider is to teach the parenting adults how to help the child.   One must not assume that the child needs professional counseling just because there has been a serious trauma; even on as serious as possibly witnessing the violent death of their parent(s).   Children do sadly witness such events every day.  Millions of children in a country where war is raging may witness such events.  Those events will leave scares for adults and children who might or not need some professional guidance.
 
I have seen children for extended evaluation when parent/guardians are reporting serious academic issue or behavioral issues.  For example, one child I saw with his custodial parent had a history of continually setting fires in various places in the house.  Nothing the custodial parent did reduced the behavior.  Another child might present with need of a program for Autistic children.  Another might be reacting to neglect by his parent(s). If at all possible , the goal is to keep the child with parents and to not place them in an institution or make them “the sick member” of the family.  Often, the child’s behavior is a symptom of family issues which are not being addressed.   As a child ages he or she might need some individual care.  One must listen carefully when assessing the family. The more information one can gather from all family members, including the child, the better the chances of an accurate diagnosis and appropriate treatment.     
 
The health care provider must provide a safe space for the child to reveal what he or she is thinking/feeling.  This may require some individual time with the child without making the child the identified patient which may be different than considering them the primary client.
 
If one is doing a court ordered assessment is the client the court or the individual/family?   If one is hired by an employer to assess the mental health of an employee, who is the patient/client? 
 
I am not suggesting these are always comfortable or easily answered issues, but I believe it is essential for the health care provider to do one’s best to determine who the client is.  As always, a combination of common sense, empathy, active listening skills, and creativity need to be employed.   Although the health care provider must be aware of any legal risks that should not be the only or even necessarily the primary concern.
 
Written July 13, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 
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Sunday Musings - July 10, 2022

7/10/2022

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Sunday Musings - July 10, 2022
 
I often meditate about what attributes a dynamic leader might possess or need for these interesting and often troubled times.  I thought it might be helpful to think of synonyms for the word lead.  Merriam Webster suggests “conduct, direct, guide, marshal (also Marshall), pilot, route, show, steer, usher.”  One might also think of such terms or words as initiate, find a solution, or develop a plan.  Merriam Webster suggest antonyms for lead including: “undermine, unsettle, sabotage, subvert, corrupt, and follow”. 
 
For some,  the word subservient comes to mind.  Many think of subservient as the opposite of lead.  According to Collins Dictionary the word originally meant usefulness from the Latin root word subservientem “ to assist or lend support.”
 
In a well-functioning team, whether that be a romantic partnership, a team for farming or building, or a response to a violent domestic or community event, it is imperative someone initiate the lead by calling a meeting of interested parties to formulate a response plan.  This does not usually mean a leader dictates a plan he or she just formulated.  Sadly, that approach may be mistaken for leadership.
 
In the day-to-day life of a family or any business organization most tasks are routinely assumed by the best trained person or the one who is handiest.  An approach to new tasks or situations will normally be initially addressed by who is most skilled and available or by a pre-trained person or team. 
 
In some religious or cultural communities leadership of the  family or larger group is assigned based on gender.   In the United States initially voting and, thus, political leadership was assigned solely to Caucasian, male, landowners.  It was not until the 19th amendment to the constitution was ratified in August of 1920 that adult females were granted the right to vote.   Voting for what we now refer to as African American or Native Americans and  those who were 18 years or older also did not come quickly or easily.  In recent years  there is new state legislation many belief is intended to again restrict voting rights and thus access to power/leadership positions.
 
The above directly relates to the historic argument and attempt to limit leadership in families and the body politic to Caucasian males.  Some would trace this concept of leadership in the United States to the influence of mostly males labeled leaders of the Christian Church.  In some other countries the beliefs perpetuated by the leaders of other religious groups also limit leadership role to adult males of certain ethnic origins and often financial class or status.
 
In many Christian churches, including many of the more theologically conservative mega churches in the Midwest of the United States, there is a renewed attempt to draw adult males into the daily mission of the church; to clarify and strengthen their role in the church and the family.  Sadly, the central message may be the adult male is responsible for the overall direction, vision and leadership of the family and the church.  It is not difficult to find some old and New Testament passages which seem to validate this belief.   Depending, however, on one’s translation and interpretation of certain terms, the historical context and other factors many Christian churches have come to believe and teach that leadership of the family, the church and the body politic is meant to be shared irrespective of gender, status, or other factors.  There  is no scientific evidence which suggests that leadership should be based on gender, ethnic origin, financial status or any other social constructs.  There is a lot of evidence that many of us humans have very specific, innate abilities which makes us more qualified to perform certain tasks.
 
For a significant group of males, the reexamination of leadership roles has resulted in a crisis of identify.  Many of us males learned to equate identity with gender roles.   The same is true for some women.  The existential question becomes”. “Who are we if we are not our roles?”   If we men are not the recognized head of the family; the one responsible for the spiritual and financial health of the family and the body politic then we are forced to redefine our spiritual purpose.
 
Who are we males if not our gender roles?  We are males who are confident enough in our basic worth/sacredness to share the leadership of the family, community, nation, or business ; financially, emotionally, physically and spiritually.  We do not need to prove our worth by being in charge although we stand ready to take charge when needed and appropriate.  Females also do not need to prove their worth by being in charge.  Whether males, females, non -binary, heterosexual or one who identifies as GLBT + we are all at our best when we practice both strength and humility; when we strive to discover and sharpen our particular skills; when we engage with the same and opposite gender to discover our spiritual purpose for today; when we attempt to discern what the god of our understanding wants or requires of us today.
 
Written July 10, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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Pro-life or pro political and/or religious agenda

7/7/2022

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Pro-life or pro political and/or religious agenda
 
Recently, I was at  a local art museum.  As is often true of museums gift stores, it had an amazing selection of toys for children. Many of them are educational and many encourage children and some of we childlike adults to explore our creative talents.  Given time, energy, money, and other resources there is no limit to the opportunities one can make available to one’s own children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or children of friends.  If one visits such museums or even the creative playground which my current home city provides at The Gathering Place, one might decide if one can survive the daily violence the United States can be an amazing place to raise children. Indeed, it is for some children. Yet  many families who can today provide necessities for their children are only, at most, a few paychecks away from being homeless.
 
Often, I hear some politicians suggest that private non-profits who have to compete with other non-profits to raise needed funds should be responsible for helping anyone in need,  The clear assumption is that children belong to a nuclear family (often a single parent) and it is their responsibility to search for or even beg for help from some of the amazing non-profits who on any given day may or may not have much help to provide.  If it is food, one needs and one has managed to qualify for some government food assistance, one will find that unless the nonprofit has access to generous local farmers or is connected with an organization which, in season, which has a community garden, mainly nonorganic food which has tons of sugar, carbohydrates, preservative and other unhealthy ingredients is available.  The resulting health issues may, depending on where one lives and what heath care is available through the state medical cards, get attended by a health care professional who may or may not be “blind” to how much he or she is getting reimbursed and may or may not be free of any prejudices towards those who have a medial card.
 
These and related issues are in the forefront of the concerns of many thoughtful people who may be basically pro-life but cognizant of the fact that often - not always - those most in favor of anti-abortion laws are those who are less than passionate about the need to value the life not only of the fetus but of all persons from the moment of conception to their being laid to rest at the end of their life journey.
 
In the United States, the minimal livable wage for a family of four, depending nowhere one lives, can be as high as $112,000.00.  This amount does not allow for extravagant purchases. (I did not locate post inflation figures for July 2022.)  I did find reports which claims that 34% of families in the United States may earn at least 100,000.00.  Most reports indicate a median income of $67,000.00 which, as we know, means some are above and some are below this amount.   Even if a family is at the $100,000.00 level most are not going to have enough savings to allow them to survive long if because of illness or other reasons they are suddenly unemployed.
 
How many stay at home mothers are paid an annual salary of $100,000.00 for childcare and home management.   Assuming their partner or spouse is making at least $100,000.00 some might be living decently but, if anything happens to their partner, except in rare instances, they cannot collect more than social security survivor’s benefits for the underage children.  A few employers cover childcare; a few parents may receive the benefits of a substantial life insurance policy which allow them to continue to care for their children.
 
How many teachers make at least $100,000.00 a year?  Social workers?  Mental Health counselors?    Amazon’s warehouse workers? Fast food workers? Barista’s?
 
 
The bottom line is that those who say sacred life begins at the moment of conception need to “walk the talk” or stop pretending they are interested in human life rather than a political or religious agenda. To be fair there are those who do walk the talk; who are passionate about human life from the moment of conception to the last breath someone takes; who support government programs which ensure a decent wage to cover all levels of physical, nutritional, and medical care no matter what their country of citizenship or origin.  Let’s do remember that government programs are simply a way to share common resources.
 
I do not believe I am proposing any significant increase in our national budget. I am suggesting that we, as a nation, spend the money up front and not in warehousing people or otherwise paying to deal with the symptoms of the fallout from not spending the money upfront.   One can easily examine the cost in the United States of Health Care, prisons, policing,  and attempts to “catch” those who are misusing meager government funds and those spending billions on projects which keep wealthy political lobbyists happy for a moment.
 
Written July 7, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 
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Sunday Musings - July 3, 2022

7/3/2022

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Sunday Musings – July 3, 2022
Independence Day
​

The preamble to the United States Declaration of Independence.
“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”
 
Even the most uneducated of citizens of these United States know that  all men in this document excluded and may still or again exclude:
 
 
o   Slaves
 
o   Females
 
o   Non landowners
 
o   Nonwhites
 
o   Felons  with some notable exceptions. (In two states and the District of Columbia felons never lose their right to vote even while incarcerated. In  21 states felons get the right to vote back when released.  In 16 states felons may after satisfying certain  requirements get their rights back. In 11 states only the state legislators can individually restore the right to vote to felons.)
 
o   in certain cases, the mentally ill.
 
o   In some states those with restricted access to identification, ability to get to polling stations, and those deliberately restricted from  access to voting via redistricting.
 
o   Those below a certain age.
 
o   Pregnant woman who are again imprisoned by their inability to not-allow a fetus to become a person even if the pregnancy is a result of rape by a stranger or an abusive partner.
 
o   Those  - all of us - who need to be protected from the negative effects of climate change.
 
o   Increasingly once again those who identify as transgender or as non-binary.
 
o   Those who identify as gay, lesbian and bisexual.  We no longer in this  country send such people to prison but there are those who continue to want to reinstate laws which outlaw sexual/romantic behavior between same sex individuals.
 
o   Previously anyone who marries someone other than a someone identified as the same race.  Some would reinstitute these laws.
 
o   Those who want to be inclusive when teaching history, mental health as it relates to sexual orientations and certain other subjects.
 
o   Physicians who want to consistently honor their Hippocratic oath.
 
All men did include and may now include:
 
o   Slave owners
 
o   white male landowners
 
o   Those ‘creative’ folks who can use laws and well-paid attorneys in various states to “creatively” evade responsibility for not honoring business contracts.
 
o   Those who take advantage of situations to economically exclude others from housings, cultural events or other necessities,
 
o   Those who take advantage of desperation of others to gouge them financially.
 
o   often private health insurers who decide who is included or excluded by condition and financial status.
 
o   pharmaceutical companies who blame outrageous prices on research or other factors when it is patently a lie.
 
o   Companies who pay their senior staff millions of dollars while opposing fair wages for employees and often restrict access to products needed to operate a small business,
 
I am sure many readers can add to this list.  The point is that despite past progress we have continued to exclude many in their United States from “all men” and now a majority in the Supreme Court, many religious leaders and a host of politicians are determined to, once again, add to those who are excluded.
 
This Independence Day we must get honest about who is included and who is excluded from our declaration of independence. 
 
Ever present in my mind are the words of Martian Niemoeller `
arrested by the Gestapo and sent to Dachau concentration camp in 1938 - freed by Allies seven years later.  He said:
 
“In Germany, the Nazis first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn’t  a communist.  Then they came for the Jew, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew.  Then they came for the trade  unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist.  Then they came for the Catholics, but I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant.  Then they came for me, and by that time there was no one left to speak up for me."
 
When we are invited to celebrate Independence Day in these United States this July 4th let us recommit to making “all men” in the Declaration of Independence be truly inclusive of all men, women, and children in these United States.  Let us imprint the final  words of Emma Lazarus’ sonnet “The New Colossus” on our hearts and in all public places in every village, town, and state:
 
“Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,”
 
Written July 3, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
        
 
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America - Americans -United States Citizen - July 4

6/30/2022

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America - Americans - United States Citizen - July 4
 
I am an American.  So are people in Canada, the Caribbean’s extending from the Bahamas and Mexico to Argentina and Chile, Greenland, Saint-Pierce, Miquelon, and Bermuda.  I am also a United States Citizen.  I am not a Native American.
 
I do not live in America.  I live in the Americans.  Sadly, often when I identify myself as American, I am implying that only the United States comprises America.  Technically I am American, but the United States is not America.   Not only is it inaccurate to imply that only those who are United States citizens are American it creates the first layers of an intellectual and spiritual prison which has deeply affected the trajectory of the historical relationships between the United States and its geographical family.  
 
As we near the holiday known in the United States as Independence Day many will gather in the relatively small groups which include some in their extended nuclear family and perhaps some in their neighborhood or even a larger community.  A particularly poignant aspect of the gatherings this year may be the absence of those who are excluded because of the temperature of the emotions of some who may be self or other labeled as left, right, anti-environment, environmentalists or tree huggers, pro-life, baby killers, MAGA supporters, legal immigrants, illegal immigrants, and I suspect, a host of other labels.  Some will gather according to their Latino, African American,  or Native American origins.  The later may gather with many mixed feelings of homesickness, gratitude, anger, relief, and confusion.   Some will not gather because their journey of dreams to find safety and a way of taking care of their family in the United States has ended in death in some isolated place or in the non-air-conditioned confines of a truck driven by one who has fallen victim to a call to survive by taking advantage of the desperation of others.
 
A few will bring the symbols of their ties to the earth of their homeland; colorful garments, dance, food and music. 
 
This past weekend I spent time at the Philbrook Museum of Art in Tulsa, Oklahoma.  The current special exhibit is the work of Frida Kahlo as well as some of the paintings of her husband and the paintings and photography of  others who were part of their rich circle of people who did not separate the passion of their art from their passion for social justice or their awareness that their lifeblood intermingled with that of the animals, plants, all parts of nature.   Their art extends to not only the canvas, but the richness of the wall paint colors, the dance of the plants, and the vibrancy of their clothes which demand they take ownership of their dance. 
 
I do not mean to imply that those originating elsewhere or living in other parts of the Americas are immune to the human frailties of character and behavior which afflict the rest of us. I do not want to ignore corruption, addiction to power, violence and other symptoms of the distance us humans can travel from our roots in the soil; the roots which connect all of us just beneath the surface.   I do mean to imply that those who have wrapped themselves in spirt of artists such as Frida Kahlo, Diego Rivera, George O’Keeffe may also reflect the best of who we are as humans,
 
As we approach this Independence Day let us contemplate the depth of what it means to be independent.  Surely we want to be independent of the tyranny of those who would impose “taxation without representation”, from the limited vision of the entire life cycle of us humans; from the false dichotomy of gender; from the imposed limits of with whom and how we create our dance of love; from the prison of poverty created by the unequal taking, hoarding and use of resources; from the labels which create criminals out of the mentally ill, from chains of slavery, the belief that land belongs to some and not all of us; from laws which limits reproductive rights; from the redistricting created to promote racism; from decisions which negate treaties and from a host of other symptoms of imprisonment. We want to be independent of anger and hate; from the marriage of fear and guns in this and many other countries; from the labels such as American which create  borders.  We deserve to be free of the illusion that we are without our internal and external contradictions. 
 
As we approach this holiday let us wrap ourselves in the bright colors of the art and life of nature which is reflected in the art of such relatives as Frida Kahlo and Diego Rivera.  Let us embrace our humanness as mirrored in these two complex, passionate, earth rooted spirits who live on in their art.   Let us embrace the mindset which demands that we remove the constructs intended to convince us we are enemies.
 
 
Written June 30, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
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Sunday Musings - June 26, 2022

6/26/2022

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Seeing in ultra violet
 
Humans, unless we have an eye condition called aphasia. can see red, green and blue - certain wavelengths.  Many animals including bees, some birds, butterflies and some fish can see ultra violet wavelengths which permit them to see more colors and have survival skills which most of us humans do not possess.
 
While I was listening to Terry Gross, host of the podcast, Fresh Air, talk with science writer Ed Yong about the sensory world of animals this morning I was thinking: In these divisive times, seeing in ultraviolet wavelength becomes a metaphor for how we humans need to view each other and the world.   We need to know what we see on the surface - the rhetoric and the public behavior - does not define anyone.  Most of us know this about ourselves and we can certainly intuit this about all other people.   Yet, we seem to have fallen into the trap of labeling others based on a particular behavior, opinion or view about one subject, skin color, political or religious affiliation, gender, sexual orientation, age, physical ability or some other construct.
 
I am guilty of this despite my daily intention to avoid the temptation of doing so.   Just this morning, shortly after sharing my spiritual intention for today, I “heard” a voice in my head making a negative judgment about a politician based one some of their past actions. Yet my training in clinical psychology and the increasing knowledge of the science of how humans form and execute thoughts tells me that the slice of this man which was revealed to the public is not the man.  I do know that he is also a survivor of what was probably an emotionally limited and abusive father who himself was probably a similar survivor.  I  know that this man seems to have a desperate  need to be admired and respected; so much so that he presents an image of one who cares nothing for other people or their feelings. I know he needs to be financially successful no matter what the cost to others.   For him financial success seems to be the moral equivalent of a winner.  One can guess he is also a very lonely man who is fearful of trusting others.
 
Daily, I am in contact with those who have committed crimes against people and their property in order to feed the obsessively nagging voice of addiction which refuses to take leave of their brain.   They are often labeled  and incarcerated as criminals and sent to treatment.   Daily,  I am in contact with those whose brains conjure up a voice telling them to destroy themselves, someone else or property of another.  Often,  they are labeled as evil or criminals and not as those who have been forced to live with an alternate reality/voice(s) in their head.
 
Daily i am forced to accept “the many faces of Eve” who live as voices in my own head.   I will, for example, resolve to not judge others only to hear a voice in my head judging and labeling another person based on appearances, deed, or some other social construct.  Fortunately, I often catch myself before allowing that voice to take wings.   What happened to my resolve to mimic those with ultra violent light waves ability to see what is not visible?
 
As I write this, I am reminded that we humans could benefit from letting go of our assumed and professed superiority to other animals and even plants which have a very sophisticated communication system.  What might ensue if we were willing to live in harmony with the rest of nature or at least make a concerted effort to do so?
 
This weekend is, in some locations and cities in the United States, what has come to be known as Pride weekend; a time for people who have the courage to be themselves; to be the gender they are internally, to love the gender to whom they are attracted, to sometimes dress flamboyantly in outrageously fun costumes; to put on display their most creative display of who they are on the inside; to force others to see with ultra violent vision.  What if, no matter our gender binary status, sexual orientation or identification we take our cue from those in the gay parades and allow our ultra violent wavelength to be publicly present?  What if we celebrate the ultra violet wavelength of all others?
 
Written June 26, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 

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Ode to PRIDE

6/24/2022

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Ode to PRIDE
 
Hey there, those who are worried or judgmental about whom I love.
Just need to let you know:
Ain’t thinking I need to father or mother a child.
Ain’t thinking that the world needs another child.
Just need to let you know
Ain’t needing to prove my virility-
         your ideal of my manhood or womanhood.
I hear you saying my love is abnormal
I hear you saying
         election lies are normal.
         property tax which often pays for public schools is not
         good.
 
         all should have multiple guns, open carry and the
         opportunity to kill others.
         Excess is to be defended with human life
I hear you saying that financial, emotional and spiritual rape is more moral than loving.
I hear you worrying about whether my body parts are touching another while you sell products which destroy from the inside out.
I hear you are worrying about what gender is on my birth certificate and not whether a child has food or a place to live.
I hear you worrying if a sperm and an egg is wasted while you care nothin about children outside the womb unless they are the sons and daughters you claim.
I hear you singing the praises of that man Jesus while you prepare the wood for the cross.
You worry about my morality of loving while you publicly rape the land and all it contains.
You just need to know I ain’t wanting to see your genitals or how well you use the tools of your gender.  I ain’t wanting to see the sword of your fear or the cave into which you will invite me to be devoured.
Do you not know loving is not about hating and making babies or proving nothing.  
I know you can for ni cate.
I ain’t impressed.
I ain’t impressed.
I ain’t impressed.
Written June 24, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org
 
 
 ​
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Sunday Musings - June 19, 2022

6/19/2022

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Sunday Musings - June 19, 2021
Father’s Day
Juneteenth
 
For a brief time I lived and worked in the Alaska village of Hoonah, Alaska, a Tlinglit Indian village.   When I, my wife and my young son arrived in Hoonah we were greeted by David and Minnie, who were revered elders in the community.  They said to us, “Your son has no grandparents here.  We will be his grandparents.  You, young man, are too young (I was then 31.) to know what it means to be a man. You will come and sit with me every day while I carve and teach you.  For the relatively brief and somewhat tumultuous time we were in Hoonah David and Minnie filled the role of grandparents to our son and parents to us.  Sadly, their wise parenting/mentoring was not enough of a salve to an already broken marriage.  
 
Our adopted parents David and Minnie could not fix our marriage or prevent the pain of a divorce and a rupture in the friendship which had preceded the marriage or the father son relationship.  They also could not heal my wife’s mental health or know that I needed to come to terms with my sexual orientation. They could and did love us unconditionally and stand by us.
 
My fear of dealing with my sexual orientation certainly affected my ability to be lovingly present in the marriage.  My wife’s fear, sense of abandonment and betrayal never allowed us to work as  co-parents. It seemed in her mind Jamie was her son and not ours. There was seemingly little I could do to claim the role of father as I had envisioned it.  That was and is the pain with which I must live.  I have attempted to make amends for my part of that dynamic.
 
Making amends after admitting the mistakes one has made- admitting the hurt one has caused - is certainly the first step towards healing.  One is able to do this if one has been willing to let go of one’s attachment to the story one has written; the story one thinks should happen.  A common family story we adopt is that of the nuclear family with one mother, one father, and x children living independent of a wider community.  For various reasons that is seldom the case. Even if two parents and children occupy the same physical address all might not be present emotionally or even physically.  One might or might not have the requisite patenting skills, time or energy to be teacher, provider, and nurturer.  Two parents never have all the child(ren) need.
 
When I was a child our parents had a very harsh life and were not always present emotionally and/or physically.  Others were able to provide many of the pieces our biological parents did not have to give.  Aunt Pleasie, Uncle Harold, Grandma Fannie, Mr. and Mrs Stice and a host of other relatives and neighbors knew parenting was a village responsibility.  Later, when my wife, son and I arrived in Hoonah David and Minnie took over.  Today I am still blessed with many wise elders who continue my education and who “have my back” emotionally, spiritually and even physically. 
 
It is my responsibility to stand ready to be an elder/parent to all who need unconditional love and, perhaps, a teaching story or two.  It is my hope and prayers that others stand ready to give my son the parent/elder pieces he needs but is unable to receive from me. We are a village. It is important to let go of the attachment to the belief that all we need and want come from the sperm and egg donors. 
 
Happy Father’s Day to all the elders who share the blessings - alongside the female elders - of raising our children.  Each elder including the biological father and mother may offer a piece of what our children need.  We need to let go of the delusion that the only parents we celebrate and blame are the sperm and egg donors.  We are all important members of a much larger family.
 
Happy Father’s Day to all the loving, teaching male elders.
 
Written June 19, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 ​
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Compromising as an art form

6/15/2022

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Compromising as an art form.
 
Daily, there are news stories of the angry divineness  in this and many other countries.  It seems each many of us cannot wait to demonize the group or groups which are not us.  It should be oblivious that demonizing those with whom one disagrees is going to result in more anger, fear and wall building. 
 
We know that none of us responds well to anger and negative judgements.   What makes us think that others will?  Indiaviduals such a Van Jones on the podcast he hosts, “Uncommon Ground” are doing their best to help us change this process without needing to change core values.  In fact, Van Jones and his guests are attempting  to remind listeners that the core values of various groups have more in common than differences.  What are those core values? Sadly, many of us may have a difficult time articulating our core values thus making it impossible to compare with “the others”.
 
Recently I sat with a parents of 4 daughters at a fund raiser for the national group PFLAG – Parents and Friends of lesbians and Gays (now inclusive of bisexual and transgender individuals as well as all those nonbinary individuals).  Their young daughters and many other children were present for this fundraiser and having a grand time interacting with drag queens.  As I chatted with these parents and others, some of their core values were revealed.  They included:
 
o   Making sure there was a safe place for all family members to be themselves - to be their very personal best - to laugh, dance and refuel.
 
o   Being able to provide basics and perhaps some luxuries for their families - food, clothing, safe housing, education.
 
o   Job security at a job which is consistent with their core values - both Mom and dad work for the Veterans Administration which they noted provids job security, decent health insurance, retirement benefits, paid time off and the opportunity to walk with veterans in their healing journey.
 
o   Being part of a community - having emotional support . As one would say often in the military - knowing others have your back.
 
o   Knowing one’s children of their children will have a safe place to live and blossom.
 
I have lived in Alaska villages, West Virginia,  Washington, D. C., Princeton, New Jersey, Evansville, Indiana,  the farmlands and cities of Oklahoma , small communities in Florida and visited many other places in the world.   No matter where I went and to whom I talked if I listened carefully and observed the walk of those to whom I talked,  core values were basically the same.   The beliefs of what it takes to ensure one can live out these core values varies but the values do not. 
 
One may ask,  what could “us”  have in common with those members of  such organizarions as Patriot Front described in an Associated Press article of June 11, 2022, as a “neo-Nazi group whose members perceive Black Americans, Jews, and LGBTQ people as enemies?   Member of this group were arrested  near a pride event in a small community in Idaho on June 11 dressed in riot gear.  Apparently, they do not have a history of violence and may claim free speech rights.
 
How about the members of the Proud Boys some of whom were involved in the violent attempt to take over the United States Capital Building to ensure that election results could not be ratified? 
 
Surely “we”  have nothing in common with those self-identified Christian ministers who are advocating that all LGBTQ individuals be lined up and shot in the head or those Russians supporting President Putin’s violent takeover of Ukraine.
 
My experience is that if we are willing to listen often many of the core values and goals of “us and them may be the same.  
 
Even members of the Proud Boys, Patriot Front, ministers or other clerics who call for the death of feminists, LGBTQ individuals and others share the  five essential core values I have listed above. This is common ground.   What may not be common ground is the road map.
 
My experience in working with adult males with a history of violence is that when I focused on the fear underlying the anger and violence, we connected as equals.  We both knew what fear felt like.  What I am fearful of may or may not be the same as the person who has been physically violent.
 
Once one establishes some common ground with someone, there is the possibility of some other areas of common ground.  From that base one might be able to begin to explore how each arrived at their personal road map for making their core values manifest reality.  
 
For years I was a member of a racial justice committee at a YWCA.  One of first and ongoing tasks was to be able to write about how and when we had learned to be racist.   My first memory of learning about racism was at age 2 or 3,  My first memory of using racism to take the focus off of my misbehavior was at age 5.  Similarly, I can articulate when and how I learned how to have disdain for my own sexual orientation.   I can trace the origin of many of the  beliefs or myths I learned to  teachers, classmates, parents, and “fake news”.
 
For many years some Palestinians and Jews have been together sharing their  belief that peaceful co-existence is both possible and necessary.   We too can and must take the leap of faith that we all have common ground.  I do not believe that there are “others” but only those I  refuse to “see” and “hear”.  Perhaps this is the starting point for all of us to practice the art of compromise.
 
Written June 15, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 ​
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    Jimmy Pickett is a life student who happens to be a licensed counselor and an addiction counselor. He is a student of Buddhism with a background of Christianity and a Native American heritage.

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