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Birthing Our Life Dance

4/26/2022

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Birthing Our Life Dance
 
Jeremy Denk is a famous classical pianist whose piano talent I fell in love with when I heard him play with the Pittsburgh Symphony, heard an interview with him or read his blog. 
 
When he talks about music or plays music it feels as if he is speaking to my soul. It also feels as if I have access to his soul or essence.  When he talks about music he talks about breath in all parts of one’s body; how the music of different composers requires the artist to breath into the music differently.  He talks about the speed at which one enters the key; how each finger approaches a particular key - the speed and the pressure.   All of this he maintains has to be combined with the emotion which one brings to the relationship with each note and the relationship between notes. When he was learning to play a particular piece a teacher said to him, “Think of the saddest you ever felt but don’t speak it out loud to me or anyone.  Play it.”
 
If one has ever done street mime or been a professional actor one knows that if one can duplicate the nuances of the movement/dance of another person one will always know exactly what the person one is miming or portraying is experiencing emotionally.   If one is a consummate professional actor one knows that one has to be open to experiencing the emotion of the character one is playing.
 
An artist has to, at some point, shut off the chatter in one’s mind and allow the art to emerge. This is true no matter whether the medium is paint on canvas, pottery, marble, iron, or some other material. The same is true with writing poems or fiction.  It is equally true of professional athletes.
 
When one is a professional actor, musician or artist of any medium a teacher such as Jeremy Denk pushes, prods, pulls, encourages, demands or otherwise leads the artist to an appreciation of the hard work of learning the intentional control of the action of each part of one’s body.  Once one learns to do that one allows one’s heart to take the lead infusing each movement - each breath  - with raw emotion.  Only then can one emerge as an artist as opposed to someone who just mechanically performs.    When Jeremy Denk, even after years of playing professionally, is learning a new piece of music he begins by playing notes.  He experiments with breath, weight and relationships.   If he keeps practicing, one day he will sit down to play and the notes will have become music.  Of course, what we call talent has to also be available to him.
 
All of us have different talents which can only be birthed if we are willing to practice being intentional about the weight of one’s touch, one’s breath and the courage of one’s heart.   Whether we are child caring, teaching, creating a food dish, dancing, performing athletically, building a house or a machine one has the potential of being an artist.  It one is willing to become intimately acquainted with each part of one’s body, including one’s emotions, and practice nurturing the individual relationships one will be able to birth an intimate relationship with one’s instrument whether it be a giant crane, a musical instruments, pruning shears or other garden tools, cooking utensils or the surface upon which one is performing.  
 
The art of living - of dancing our dance - is raw and naked  - but that rawness and nakedness has to be coaxed into being over hours, days, weeks and years of practicing all the notes and the relationship between the notes.
 
Written April 27, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
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Sunday Musings - April 24, 2022

4/24/2022

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Sunday Musings – April24, 2022
The moral suitcase.
 
One of the podcasts to which I listen weekly is “Hidden Brain” hosted by Shankar Vedantam.  A recent podcast was entitled “When Doing Right Feels Wrong”.    I had reminded us humans are often faced with two or more conflicting primary moral values/beliefs. One of the examples on this podcast was that loyalty to a person or organization may conflict with  stopping an action which one believes is going to result in harm to others.
 
When facilitating a discussion on ethics or moral behavior I have often used an exercise which I borrowed from someone whose name I no longer remember.  This exercise begins with imagining that one is moving a household, but the items one is moving are moral/ethical values.  One is first allowed to move 20 items and then only 10 and so forth until there is room on the moving truck for only one moral value.
 
Us humans, no matter what our ethical or moral background, have long  pondered how one decides what is right or wrong  - moral or immoral.  Pre-Socratic philosophers long before Plato and Aristotle struggled with these issues.  Philosophers and theologians such as Kant, Barth, Hobbs, Locke, Russell and a host of others have filled volumes examining ethical and moral issues.   Some Christian theologians have posited complicated theories justifying some use of violent wars despite the commandment of Jesus to love one’s enemy.  On the surface it is difficult to imagine how killing someone is loving them.   As a pacifist I am often challenged with the question of whether I would use violence to protect a young child.
 
I have no problem justifying the use of “compassionate force” to limit the activities of someone who is unable to consider the rights and needs of a child or an adult.    When working on impatient psychiatric wards I was often called upon to assist in using force to compassionately limit the harm of one patient to another patient or a staff member.  Physical force was used until a nurse or doctor could administer a drug by injection to calm the patient.
 
Psychologists Jonathan Haidt, Craig Joseph and Jesse Graham, building on the work of anthropologist Richard Shweder and subsequently developed by a diverse group of collaborators and popularized in Haidt’s book The Righteous Mind, developed moral foundation theory in yet another attempt to explain the origins of and variation in human moral reasoning.  The five foundations they proposed were:
 
1.       Care/harm.
2.       Fairness/cheating    Equality or proportionality
3.       Loyalty/betrayal.    Patriotism and self-sacrifice
4.       Authority/subversion.   Leadership and follow ship.
5.       Sanctity/degradation    Disgust and contamination
Some have proposed #6.
6.       A Sixth has been propose by some: liberty/oppression
 
My purpose is listing these is not to suggest that all of us adopt these five or six as the foundation for making moral/ethical decisions.  I, and I am sure, the readers of this blog could think of many examples when the moral choices are not that simple.   There are many cases when providing care for one person or group might be harmful to another.  Many of us are creative enough to convince ourselves or someone else that our motivation is altruistic when, in fact it is self-serving. 
 
Perhaps the best we humans can do is:
 
·      Continue to explore with ourselves and each other how our decisions affect the rest of the universe.
 
·      Think long term and short term.
 
·      Be  humbly honest with ourselves and each other about our “true” and even “mixed” motives for our decisions and behaviors.
 
·      Accept that we are human and not Gods.  We can only do our best  - just for today.
 
I am reminded of one of the underlying principles of the 12 step addiction recovery programs: honesty, open mindedness and willingness.    I suspect that if we apply this principle to a “searching and fearless” discernment of what behaviors most closely contribute to the well-being of all which comprise these universes we will be doing our very best to approximate moral behavior.

Written April 24, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
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The cost of foregoing empathy

4/20/2022

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The cost of foregoing empathy
 
Every morning I read local and National news on my iPad while eating breakfast.    Sometimes I read some of the headlines on my phone prior to going to the gym.  As I read news stories, I often notice myself becoming frightened and sad.  It seems a majority of the news stories are about one or more people in some way injuring one or more people.  The injury might be the result of an automobile accident, an out-of-control argument, becoming overwhelmed in one’s role as a parent or a worker, a road rage incident, acting on an urge to use a child or adult sexually or any number of other scenarios.   My experience is that 99.9 percent of the time, the stories are articulated in such a way that there is a perpetrator and the victim or the bad person and the innocent person.  Seldom, while reading or listening to a news story, do I detect any empathy for the person who injures another.  It is as if the writer is unable or unwilling to imagine himself or herself in the shoes of the person who caused an injury.
 
Merriam-Webster defines empathy as: “the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner.”
 
It I am reading about an automobile accident in which someone’s carelessness resulted in serious injury to another I immediately think of my recent accident which could have easily resulted in serious injury to another person and in criminal charges being filed against me.  When reading about a parent abusing a child, I can easily recall moments of acute frustration or feelings as if I was going to “lose it” when I was taking care of my son or some other children.  When reading of someone getting so upset that they whipped out a gun and shot someone, I can easily recall why I do not ever give myself access to a gun.  When there is a tragic account of a person sexually using/abusing a young child I can easily imagine the realignment of the firings of the neurons of my brain resulting in a strong desire to control/use another - even a child.  While I pray that none of these scenarios befalls me, I know that given the right circumstances or a misfiring of my brain I could be either the person causing the harm or the person receiving the harm,  
 
Often, in the United States and other countries our concept or system of justice and maintaining a semblance of order and peace is based on the assumption that there are good people and bad people.   While there is some allowance for having an accident, there is little to no allowance for the so-called good person viewing child pornography, abusing a child or shooting someone.  Occasionally, there might be a writer or speaker who can identify with becoming addicted to alcohol or some other drug but even that seems rare.
 
As long as we divide the world into good and bad people the less chance there is that we will design and implement effective plans to reduce the factors which result in us humans hurting each other.
 
For example, we might accept that parenting hours on end by oneself is not a realistic model especially when one has a myriad of other responsibilities.   We might decide that ready access to guns is not sensible.   We might decide that all deserve and need a wage which allows for a realistic budget.   We might decide that teaching math, reading and other skills in the context of designing a healthy, sharing community facilitates a passion for learning. We might decide that we need to attempt to discern why there are so many people sexually attracted to or wanting to control children.   We might decide that we need to ferret out what is resulting in so many young people seeing no purpose in community building.   We might decide that phones and other devices should not be able to operate when a car is in motion.
 
We might have more appreciation for the fact that being able to have a shared reality is a bit of magic or Grace rather than an assumption based on free will.
 
We might decide that when a problem is affecting millions of people the cause might be systemic.
 
We might decide the line we like to imagine dividing the population into “us and them” is a matter of luck, fate or Grace; a line which can change in an instant.
 
We might decide that empathy is necessary for a workable and just society.
 
Written April 20, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 
 
 
 
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Sunday Musings - April 17, 2022

4/17/2022

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Sunday Musings – April 17, 2022
Resurrection
 
Today for Christians it is Easter - a celebration of the resurrection.   For Muslims it is a continuation of Ramadan – a time, of introspection, prayer and reading of the Quran.  It is also a time of preparation for sharing some the gifts one has been given.  For Jews it is the second day of the Passover; a time to remember a deliverance from oppression; from being passed over; a time of fasting and prayers.  For many others with or without religious beliefs to contain their hopes, gratitude and awareness it is spring; a time to welcome new life.
 
For most people, no matter what their religious traditions or beliefs,
it is an opportunity to renew one’s commitment to embrace the new life which is possible.  For new life to be possible there must, of course, first be death.  In some parts of the world, it is the winter months when much of life embraces death from which will spring new life.  In some parts of the world winter is ending.  There are signs of new life everywhere.  The plants which have been barren and seemingly dead will begin to poke through the soil.  The leaves which have not been visible will suddenly begin to emerge.  Birds and many other animals will prepare for new children.   A few birds, such as the Eagle have already welcomed the new family members.  
 
For we humas to experience a rebirth, we must first kill off false pride and lies we have told ourselves.  We must repent of all the ways we have hurt ourselves, others and mother earth.  There can be no new life without first embracing our own humanness which, paradoxically, means embracing the humanness of all others – of all of nature.  There can be no new life without first accepting that we are one people who are born interdependent. We must thus kill off the false beliefs that we have to be more than, better than, more deserving than; that there is an us and them.  We must kill off the desire for revenge.  We must let go of the desire to jump from oppressed to oppressor.
 
For new life to emerge – for resurrection – we must ask the soil what it needs for what we want it to nourish. For new life to emerge in our relationships we must ask those we have labeled our enemy, “What is it you need?”  We must listen carefully for the answer beneath the answer. For the one labeled a thief hanging on the cross next to us we must pray, “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.”
 
It seems as if we, the oppressed, once released, are often tempted to protect our freedom by becoming the oppressor. 
 
Perhaps the most misunderstood challenge for all of us humans is the commandment to love our enemy; to accept that bad behavior always comes from a disease of the brain. This disease could be an imbalance of chemicals, a brain tumor, a history of abuse, other pain, or some other cause. We humans are naturally social creatures.  We are meant to function as a unit with each one doing our part to ensure the whole functions or works.  Yet, we often get fearful and push away as if more hurt will reduce future danger.  Yet, more hurt just perpetuates the cycle.
 
One cannot imagine a risen Christ who has not died.  One cannot imagine a rebirth without a willing to let go of old belief and habits.  One cannot imagine an embrace without forgiveness of self and others – a death of the pretense that we are more than.
 
Resurrection recognizes that we deserve to come home; to get on with the job which Ram Dass expressed as walking each other home.  For this to happen we must let go of the attachments to our individual religious containers as being as more than porous containers intended to nourish all they pass.
 
Written April 17, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 
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Sunday Musings - April 10, 2022

4/10/2022

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Sunday Musings – April 10, 2022
 
Today for Christians is Psalm Sunday – a time to remember the joyful arrival of Jesus into Jerusalem. The story is that he was welcomed by the spreading of psalm leaves.  Of course, those welcoming him did not know that soon he would be crucified and then, the story goes, in three days be raised from the dead.   We know that in one week we will celebrate the resurrection/the rebirth.
 
Muslims began the month-long observance of Ramadan the first  week of April.  For Muslims the observance of Ramadan is a time for fasting, prayer, and rededication to the avoidance of impure thoughts and deeds. It will end with Edir a time of joy and blessings; a time to share or redistribute one’s wealth.
 
For many this day is another day of war; physical war in which many are being indiscriminately killed; political and emotional wars in much of the United States, France and other countries; wars first of words and then of the physical destruction of those who disagree with the subjugation of a group of people or a country. 
 
I have had the luxury of traveling a lot during my brief sojourn here on the planet Earth.  From a scientific standpoint I understand that time and distance are simple measurements. I can look at the calendar and the map and trace the trajectory of my journeys; then use the language of math to describe those journeys across time and space. Yet, at another level, travel is a mystery to me.  How is it possible  I could occupy this space and  in a matter of a few hours be thousands of miles from that space?  How is it possible that I have a son who is 51 when in fact his mother and I just brought him home from the hospital?  How is it possible that I have lived over 8 decades?
 
I once suggested to a scientist friend of mine that time was merely an artificial construct.    He hastened to tell me that I was wrong.  Yet, when I listened again to Tonya Mosley interview the author Ocean Vuong about his most recent book of poems, “Time is a mother” I was sure I was right.   Professor Vuong says since his mother died there is only today when his mother is not here and yesterday when she was here.  This makes sense to me.    For those in Ukraine there is only before the invasion and the time after the invasion. 
 
This morning I received a notes from friends in Indonesia and Turkey.   I also have friends in England, Australia, Cambodia and many other places.  They are here and not here; there and not there; separated by time and space and very much a part of me in this space and time.
 
On this Psalm Sunday there is only the triumphant arrival in Jerusalem.  On this Sunday of Ramadan there is only the cleansing and preparation for sharing one’s wealth. 
 
We are the birds migrating thousands of miles.  We are Peter Pan.  We are the wind whirling to  form a giant Kitchen Aide mixer bringing all together in a tornadic action until all becomes dust ready to be reborn.
 
There are no places existing in other times. There is no us and them. There is only us.  There is only now.
 
There is only the triumphant entry. There is only life.
 
There is only Edir and the sharing of our excess.
 
Written April 10, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 
 
 

 
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Living with anxiety

4/6/2022

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​Living with anxiety
 
What is anxiety:   It is a feeling which is often unrelated to one’s understanding of what one needs to be anxious about.    When one is anxious one first needs to check internally and externally to see if there is a reason for it.   Is one in physical danger?  Is one about to be tested to see if one is going get a job, be turned down for a date, find out something terrible has happened, or about to risk doing something one has never done before. If any of the later than some anxiety is normal and will pass.
 
The worst anxiety is that free floating anxiety (generalized anxiety) which just appears for no discernable reason.  Internally it is saying that one needs to be on guard or even extremely fearful.  Sometimes the anxiety morphs into panic.   When panic arrives, one may feel unable to breathe or to move.  One may notice one is involuntarily holding one’s breath.  This is an overwhelming feeling.  The panic is acting as if one is in acute danger and unable to respond to the danger.  It may feel as if the strong, abled person one is suddenly is gone and one is, thus, unable to protect oneself.
 
It may feel as if one is the anxiety or the panic as if there is no “you” to respond to the anxiety.   One may then become anxious about the anxiety or panicked about the panic and then becomes more anxious or panicked.
 
The first step in healing or learning to manage the anxiety is to remind oneself:
  • One is not the anxiety or panic.   One has anxiety or panic.
  • One has a relationship with the anxiety or panic.   The strong, competent part of one can decide what relationship one wants with the anxiety/panic.
  • One is stronger than the anxiety or panic.  One may notice in a real emergency or dangerous situation one has a good track record of handling the situation.  One may notice if one did not have time to become anxious one just acted.  This is normal.
  • The long-term goal is to learn to be with the anxiety/panic; to not feed it by labeling it or telling oneself it is terrible or something bad will happen.  The goal is to just notice it without commenting on it.  Even though it is uncomfortable one wants to just notice. If one says anything at all one just says, “Isn’t that interesting.”
  • To decide the relationship one wants with anxiety.   Some people write this down daily and share it with someone – partner, counselor, or other person they trust.   One person I know prefers not to mention the anxiety but simply texts me in the morning saying something like “I am going to be amazing today.”  Or “I am a powerful woman and can handle life on life’s terms.”
  • Generalized anxiety lies to one.  It is not reporting a shared reality.
  • Generalized anxiety is common.  Otherwise, there would not be diagnostic label for it.  There is no reason to be embarrassed or shameful.
  • The better one takes care of oneself emotionally, spiritually, nutritionally and physically the more effectively one can face anxiety head on when it visits.
  • To avoid use of excessive alcohol, excessive caffeine or any other substance which can aggravate the anxiety.
  • Medication such as an antidepressant which also targets anxiety can sometimes takes the edge off.    Never, ever use Xanax, klonopin or any other anti-anxiety medication on a regular basis.  Those drugs work well on a one-time basis such as a fear of flying and one has to take a flight.  These medications are very addictive and regular use will result in increasing the symptoms.    Some doctors will insist they are safe to take regularly.  They are wrong.  Alcohol is a depressant.  Do not use to treat anxiety/panic.   Research results on use of marijuana are not consistent. I do not recommend.  It is easy to get addicted to/dependent on and impaired with frequent use.   A few people have psychotic reactions to regular use of marijuana.   Eventually we may find some forms of marijuana may be helpful, but it is too early to tell.   There are also studies being conducted on the use of other drugs to treat anxiety and panic disorders.
 
Written April 4, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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Sunday Musings - April 3, 2022

4/3/2022

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Sunday Musings – April 3, 2022
Characters or the play?
 
As a licensed counselor with a graduate degree in clinical psychology I am a person who is fascinated with the functioning of the brain.  I am increasingly convinced that what we call free will is an outdated concept.   If,  at any one moment in time, my brain is able to access a shared reality and make decisions which takes into account the sacredness of all who are affected I can take very little credit for making such a decision.  Many factors play a role in the firing of particular neurons in a particular order, most of which are out of my control.  Some of my past decisions may have affected this thought process.  I may have had limited control over and access to a healthy diet, exercise, and “people, places and things”.  I often may not have control over the effects of genetics, environment, disease progression and “people, places and things”.
 
Today there are millions of refugees who have been exposed to the acute trauma of war and other forms of violence.   As a result of the Ukrainian war alone millions of individuals, families and family pets have fled the country taking only what they could carry.  Many left deceased loved ones or loved one who had to stay behind for other reasons.  A percentage of these refugees will meet life on life’s terms and find a new home country, a job and a supportive “we” circle.  Some will be unable to do so. Refugees spend an average of 17 years as a refugee.
 
I talked to a woman today whose daughter was recently murdered and who has subsequently been thrust into a custody fight for the surviving grandchild.  Although she, of course, has grief and many other tough life issues to face, she is meeting life on life’s terms with courage, humility and strength.    I talked to another young man who is a refugee living in the United States, working a low wage job while looking for a second job, so he can save enough money to help his remaining in family in Afghanistan.    He admits to his journey being tough. but he is resolute in meeting life on life’s terms without giving in to self-pity or loneliness.    I also, however, talk to individuals who, on the surface, have all the advantages of a relatively trauma free life and, yet are unable to cope with life on life’s  terms.   Some have a diagnosable mental or physical illness which is another way of saying that their body might not produce the exact combination of chemical needed by the brain or for some other reason their brain will not be a functional command station.
 
As we examine the life of public heroes such as Jesus whose life, death and eventual resurrection many Christians are preparing to celebrate we are reminded of a man whose story was one of a victim of injustice.   Yet, on the very cross to which he was nailed he is able to pray,” Father., forgive them for they know not what they do.”   It is easy to attribute this act to a belief that he had superhuman strength as the son of God.  What if, however, he was simply a wise, strong, kind man with a brain able to experience a shared reality?  William Shakespeare in the play, “ As You Like It", famously has the character Jaques saying, “All the world a stage, and all the men and women merely actors.  They have their exits and entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts.”   Jaques then details the stages in the life of people.   Was he echoing the wisdom of Jesus?
 
Some individuals are able to make decisions which consider the short- and long-term effect on others as well as on the environment,  they are also able to experience a level of empathy which takes into account the fact that each role in the play of this life journey is equally important. Many of us have no idea how or why we make the decisions we do.   Life seems to just happen.
 
We live in a world in which the expectation is for us to accurately account for the reasons our brains made the decision they do.  We too often assign blame or responsibility as if we are all in charge of all the factors which result in decisions.  A judge in a court of law certainly does not want to hear that “the devil made me do it.” 
 
Perhaps as we approach Easter and also celebrate Ramadan; as we revisit the teachings of Jesus, Mohammad, Buddha and other wise teachers we could  open to the possibility that the freedom to experience a shared reality and, thus, to make decisions which mainly have a positive effect, is a blessing for which we need to be grateful. 
 
What I am suggesting is contradictory - a paradox.  I am suggesting that we accept that, at best, we have limited free will and, yet we need to strive to make healthy decisions.  I am suggesting that we do all we can to walk with our fellow travelers and when they or we make what we are used to calling immoral or unethical decisions we withhold judgment and offer compassionate empathy.  I am suggesting that even the sociopath who harms others needs our loving support. He or she may need restrained but never judgement.   I am suggesting that we quilt feeling righteous about nailing others to our seemingly endless supply of crosses.
 
Written April 3, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 
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Sunday Musings - March 27, 2022

3/27/2022

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Sunday Musings - March 27, 2022
“They cannot take our joy.”
 
This week the United States Congress held hearings to consider the nomination of Ketanji Brown Jackson to join the ranks of those who serve on the Supreme Court of the United States.  The hearings were, at times, deliberately negative and unrelated to her qualifications.   Some Senators seemed determined to question her commitment to upholding their understanding of the constitution of the United States.  Some attempted to attack her moral character by questioning whether she cared about protecting children from child predators.  Some seemingly attempted to garner political capital by repeatedly asking whether she supported teaching critical race theory.

It is not unusual for nominees to the Supreme Court or other important positions which have to be confirmed by the members of the United States Senate to be critically examined.  Given the perception by many that we in the United Sates are experiencing a resurgence of what appears to some to be a defense of and even a resurgence of oppression based on the construct of race, it is not surprising the first black female nominee for this august position was the subject of especially harsh politically motivated questioning. 

It appears that she is a person who can stand firm in the face of such attempts to discredit her professionally and personally.  She appears to me to be an extremely intelligent, strong person who is  up to the task of joining her colleagues in exploring  the constitutionality of the cases which reach the United States Supreme Court.  

She is well aware she will continue her adult journey of being perceived as a role model for females and especially black females in the United States.  If she, a black female, can become a Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States then other black females will aspire to be a leader in helping the United States live up to up to its  constitutional aspirations which have often been ignored because of the fear of those who hold tight to systemic racism, sexism and other forms of oppression; the belief that “all people” is limited to white, land owning/property owning Caucasian identified males.

Much has and will be written about the contentious and some would say often vicious questioning of this impressive woman.  What especially stood out to me, however, were:

o   Her ability to remain calm, articulate, humble, and strong; her refusal to be intimidated.
o   The gathering of black women, many of whom began to arrive in the Capital city of Washington, D.C. well before the hearings began, whose goal was to make it clear that any unfair treatment of Ms. Jackson would be experienced as directed against all black women.
o   Her statement to her children about her precarious balancing act as a mother who is also a busy professional woman; that her intent was to ensure that love was always at the center of her maternal relationship.
o   The statement by one of the few black senators, Cory Booker to Ms. Jackson that “They cannot take our joy.”  He said much more than that, but I, and I am sure many others were particularly moved by that statement as well as the statement “Don’t worry God has got you.”
President Biden promised, if given the opportunity, to nominate a black woman to serve on the Supreme Court; not just because she was a woman or black, but because it is way past time to quit thinking that excluding black women to such an important position is normal; to publicly state the obvious fact that there has never been a black woman on the Supreme Court because of systemic racism and sexism in this country.
Another woman in the news this week, the first female Secretary of State, Madeleine Albright, died; another strong, intelligent, competent defender of the ideals of the constitution of these United States. 

I am personally humbled by such thoughtful, courageous, intelligent, patriots of not only the United States but of this planet.  Just as they speak their truth with courage and humility all of us must summon the courage to speak our truth with courage and humility. 
On this Sunday when some Christians celebrate the teachings of Jesus, it seems to me that we need to do our human best to emulate the compassion, strength, courage,  grace and humility not only of Jesus, but such leaders as Madeleine Albright, Ketanji Jackson and Cory Booker
 
Written March 27, 2022
Jimmy F. Pickett
Coachpickett.org
 
 
 
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Parents know best?

3/23/2022

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Parents know best?
 
It seems to be commonly assumed that parents know what is best for their children.  Recently, I have seen state and local decisions suggesting that parents are best qualified to make decisions about the content of their child’s academic studies as well as decisions about other important aspects of their son or daughter’s life.  In a number of cases the state has decided for the local school board what can be taught. 
 
Often in our culture one can hear the assertion that parents know what is best for their child. Why would anyone assume this?  It may be true in some cases. Just this morning I spoke with a grandparent and parent who has regularly consulted with her village of trusted elders, friends and child experts before making a decision about some important issue affecting a child. This person is a respected, retired health care professional. Yet, she assume others may know more than her or from a distance see a point of view which she has overlooked.   I also talked with another parent who, although having strong feelings about what is best for her children, called to ask my opinion. 
 
If one is adopting a child or even becoming a foster parent, in most cases one has to undergo a rigid and extensive examination of one’s personal history, physicals and emotional health as well as an examination of one’s home.  It is not assumed just because one wants to be a foster parent or an adopted parent that one has the necessary skills, emotional, physical or spiritual health.   One is also generally required to undergo parenting classes
 
If, however, one is the biological parent (not merely a sperm donor) there is only limited requirements for being qualified parents.   Assuming a child is not born with a drug addiction, is not the identified victim of some other abuse, or for some other reason the parent has come to the attention of the legal authorities, one merely has to successfully complete the implantation of the sperm into fertilized egg in order to be considered a person who know what is best for a child. Most frequently this is accomplished through sexual intercourse one time. One might be sober, drunk or otherwise impaired, emotionally healthy or unhealthy, physically healthy or unhealthy,  mentally prepared to be a parent, a teenager or an older adult.  One might ask how that qualifies one for becoming a parent to be an expert on a variety of subjects.  Of course, it does not.   
 
It has often been written by lay persons and by experts, that it takes a village to raise a child.  In some communities the biological parents are given very little authority over the raising of a child. The community of elders  assumes primary responsibility for the care and teaching of the child.
 
It is time we quit pretending that being able to stumble through sexual intercourse qualifies one for being a parent.  Some may be qualified but many are not.   We who care about children need to be make it clear when we vote for school boards members as well as state and national legislators that the ability to have intercourse does not qualify one to be a parent.  At best, we members of the village need to take responsibility for raising our children to be emotionally, mentally, intellectually, and spiritually healthy. We need to make sure our children have the right to learn history as it was, to claim the gender they determine they are, to partner with the person of the same or opposite gender, to grow up to be the best of who they are emotionally, sexually, spiritually, and intellectually: to develop their particular gifts,
 
 
Written Mach 23, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpikett,org
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Sunday Musings - March 20, 2022

3/20/2022

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Sunday Musings – March 20, 2022
Not enough
 
One of the undeniable facts of being human is that we cannot undo what has already happened.  We may, in some cases, be able to make amends or we may be able to make emotional or physical repairs.  However, many objects which have sentimental value or are one of a kind cannot be replaced.  We cannot undo the hurt we may have deliberately or unwittingly caused one or more people.  Putin, for example, can never undo what he has recently been doing in Ukraine.  We, the United States, can never undo our invasion of Iraq or Afghanistan.   The United States and other countries cannot undo their history of slavery.
 
We can, of course, take responsibility.  We can attempt to make amends to those most directly affected.  We can pay the financial price if we are blessed to have the funds to do so. Yet, no matter how much we solicit the helps of the God of our understanding or the use of fairy dust, we cannot expect to redo history although, sadly, we can and do often repeat history.
 
‘Recently I was involved in an automobile accident.  I ran a red light while driving in my car. Somehow, I “saw” the light as changing but it was not.  A car coming from down the street I was crossing hit my car.  The driver of that car was unable to avoid my car and I was unable to see what was happening and avoid being hit.  Both cars were badly damaged, and one person may have been slightly injured.  I have no excuse or rational explanation for my behavior.  Obviously, something or someone distracted me.   There was no one else in the car to distract me. I was not adjusting the radio, the heat,  responding to a Bluetooth call or doing anything else which might have distracted me.
 
For several days after the accident, I obsessively looked for a rational explanation for my behavior. I was unable to find one. I was embarrassed and upset with myself.  I found it difficult to accept that I made this significant, potentially life-threatening mistake in judgment.   Yet, daily, I suggest to others that they must be lovingly accepting of their humanness. As humans we all make mistakes including, at times, very serious ones.   Beating ourselves up, belittling ourselves, attempting to run from the truth by creatively telling ourselves an alternative story will not accomplish anything positive.  The only positive steps one can take is to deal with the consequences  of one’s actions with non-shameful humility.  Shame will not heal or prevent future proof of one’s humanness.
 
I smile at myself while simultaneously obsessively chiding myself.   I am quite aware that I have a good record of dealing with life’s-on-life’s terms. So, what if I am sometimes an anxious, guilty mess while doing so.  I have a history of facing and surviving emotionally difficult situations. On those occasions where I had an option to move on or to keep insisting that I can do something to correct an untenable situation I have been known to rub my serenity coin and repeat the mantra of the serenity prayers many times.
 
The author Richard Carlson reminded us Don’t Sweat the small Stuff and It Is All Small Stuff.  In fact, life shows up and we face it as the humans we are.  Sometimes we do well and sometimes we do miserably.  If wise, we own our mistakes and attempt to learn from them and make amends when we can.
 
Physical pain is physical pain.  If someone is pulling my nails off with pliers or cutting off my finger, I am going to feel intense pain and do all I can to exit the story!!  Emotional pain, on the other hand, often has to do with a desire to avoid facing the brevity of this life journey or other aspects of our humanness.  In the example I cited here the pain following the accident was self-inflicted by a desire to avoid acceptance of my humanness .  That is not going to happen.  Other serious life events have and will continue to visit with or without action on my part.   Many will not match the story I have written - my expectations; especially my expectations of myself to be less human.
 
In short, life will show up and we will choose whether to accept life on life’s terms with humility and grace or to endlessly curse ourselves and the god of our understanding for our humanness. 
 
Written March 20, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
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    Jimmy Pickett is a life student who happens to be a licensed counselor and an addiction counselor. He is a student of Buddhism with a background of Christianity and a Native American heritage.

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