Just notice
 
It is easy and convenient to blame others when a passionate disagreement occurs.  It is also easy to blame and be angry at oneself.  Often, someone says or does something which triggers an automatic response.  As we know, automatic responses occur when we have repeatedly practiced a thought process or behavior.   Automatic responses can also occur when the memory of a traumatic event or experiences is triggered. A loud noise can trigger the memory of artillery or other war related sounds for someone who has returned from a war zone.   There may be myriad experiences associated with combat or other history of trauma including death or serious injury of self,  friends or others.   Thoughts of those losses may then trigger memories of other losses.  Colors, sounds, shapes, smells, tastes and other memories may be associated with those losses.  Some of these memories may be extremely sad and others may be happy.  Depending on the emotional content and strength of these memories one may find oneself reacting with intense fear, joy, anger or some combination of emotions.   One may even react defensively.  
 
Daily, I hear from individuals or read about individuals who blame another person or situation for their unkind or even violent response.   Daily I listen to myself blaming or about to blame another person, event or object for my response.  My goal is to realize that I am making a choice of how to respond or I am accessing a habit.  Habits can activate muscle memory so one is not consciously aware of making a choice.
 
For example, a minute ago a client sent me a threatening text message.  This person has a history of being violent even though the story he tells himself is that he is never violent.  My first thought was to tell him to stop sending me threatening messages.  My second thought was to not respond. I know this person’s anger is related to fear.  I also know that he has long practiced responding to fear with bullying anger accompanied by throwing objects or otherwise threatening harm.  Responding to his anger with anger is likely to feed it resulting in more acute threats.   Even responding to his anger with an acknowledgement of the pain or fear underlying the anger is likely to feed his pain and resulting anger.   I know this but it is difficult for me to not allow his behavior to trigger my fear and resulting anger.  I know the most effective response is to either say nothing or to respond with a soft, loving voice.  The other person is not responsible for my response.  He or she cannot cause me to respond in a certain way. 
 
Although this may sound like a simple lesson, it is, in fact, a very difficult one for most of us.  My spiritual teacher suggests the follow practices or steps:
 
·      Breathe  before responding to any situation. Focus on breath until one can make a conscious choice of how one wants to respond.
 
·      Do not label the behavior of the other person.  My teacher says, “Drop the dualities. Do not label the person or event as good, bad, right or wrong.”
 
·      Consider the possibility that all unkind or hurtful behavior arises out of pain.
 
·      Think about what response feels helpful when you are in pain.  Do you just need loving space to breathe, some physical distance,  or the quiet presence of another. 
 
 
Sometimes no matter how one responds the other person will experience one as a threat.  If at all possible, continue to lovingly refuse to accept the invitation to the angry and or judgment space. 
 
The goal is to begin to take one’s power back; to not give others the power to trigger a response which is inconsistent with one’s spiritual goals and values.   One will find that like all lessons this is a process.  One might not start breathing or remember to breathe until one is notices one’s own anger or bully behavior. The goal is to just notice and not judge oneself. 
Judging oneself merely feeds the habit. If one notices oneself judging oneself the goal is to just notice and not judge oneself for being judgmental. When changing behavior, at whatever point one is aware of one’s response, the goal is to non-judgmentally notice; to drop the dualities/labeling and breathe.    This may feel very unnatural as does all new behavior.  With practice it will feel “very natural”.
 
 
Written August 3, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 
 
 
 
 ​

Sunday Musings - August 1, 2021
 
In the United States, as well as in other countries, there is an acute housing shortage.  My understanding is that the housing shortage is affecting all income levels although, of course, those with more income are in a better position to outbid on new construction or existing houses.    In addition to the post pandemic price of materials, including lumber, there is a shortage of skilled carpenters.  The reason for this is multi layered, but part of the problem has been an over emphasis on going to college and not enough encouragement to join an apprentice program. 
 
Ideally, of course, one attends college to learn how to think and, thus, how to  create a more just, inclusive world. Sadly, past surveys indicate that a large percentage of college students in the United States attend college to learn how to make money which has very little relationship to why or how one lives with self, others, or Mother Nature. 
 
For many years, another myth was that one necessarily earns more money and, thus, can take better care of one’s family if one has a college degree.  In fact, many surveys did find, on the average, college graduates have earned more money than the non-college graduate. Some additional facts:
 
·      How much money one earns may not indicate how happy or satisfied with life one is. 
 
·      For most of us quality of life is improved if we have the basics of a safe home for ourselves and our family, enough healthy food, health care,  and heat. We also feel better if we can provide the opportunity for our children to grow emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually.
 
·      Power, position, large home, and material goods do not in and of themselves equal emotional, spiritual, or mental health.
 
·      Many skilled laborers earn as much or more money than college graduates.
 
·      Many college graduates are struggling to pay off huge student loans and due to interest will often pay them off many times over.
 
·      Attending college or even graduate school does not necessarily result in being able to articulate and respond to question about the purpose of this life journey, the spiritual legacy one wants to leave, or how-to live-in harmony with people and the rest of mother nature. Obtaining a bachelor’s degree in philosophy did force me to ask important life questions but had nothing to do with earning a living.
 
·      Sadly, for many, religion is about avoiding punishment or hell and has little to do with guiding one in being present with love to the rest of the universe.  Too often religion is about an us-them mentality
 
The older one gets the more one realizes that if one lives 4 score and 7 years or even  5 score life is over in in the blink of an eye. Anyone who has been to an “estate” sale knows that most relatives have no use for the many material items one has accumulated. One can pick up a box of assorted stuff for a few dollars at an estate safe.  A few items might be valuable to someone else, but soon that stuff will wear out or be placed in another box at another estate sale. 
 
Daily we all leave a life structure which can be built on sand, swap land, or a carefully constructed foundation; a foundation which, like the buildings which architects such as Frank Lloyd Wright attempted to design, exist in harmony with the Mother Nature.  Such architects are acutely aware even their buildings may be imperfect long-term companions to Mother Nature .
 
Many of us will not live to be four score and 7 or even two score and 7. No matter how many score we live, each day is an opportunity to construct a foundation.  We have no control over what happens to that foundation or how it is received.  If I love my son unconditionally he may or may not, for a host of reasons, receive it as such.   That is not my concern and is certainly out of my control.
 
I was recently reminded by Krista Tippett on her podcast On Being that we begin as star dust.  I love the image of love falling like stardust to create the blocks for the foundation I will leave today.   I once owned a home which had been built by skilled crafts people in the 19th century.  The stained-glass windows, pocket doors, magnificent staircase, and a million other details told me the house had been constructed with love and pride - with stardust.
 
The wood, glass and other materials could be destroyed by a fire or tornado tomorrow, but the stardust is eternal.  It is pure energy which cannot be created or destroyed.   It may resettle anywhere in the universe(s), but it will continue to be stardust. 
 
What will be the legacy of my stardust today?
 
Written August 1, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 
 
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Grandma Fannie speaks out on judging
 
Grandma Fannie quotes Matthew:  “Judge not, that ye be not judged.  For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged; and with what measure you mete, it shall be measure to you again.”
 
I cannot recall Grandma Fannie criticizing or judging others.  I do recall her seeming to avoid mentioning certain people or situations, but I cannot recall her  being overtly critical or judgmental.    She certainly had opinions what what was right and wrong, but, if I could reread all the letters she wrote me from 1958 until she died in 1979 I do not think I would find one word of criticism.   She often had positive advice and encouragement but never criticism.  This does not mean that she was a doormat to others.  She, in fact, divorced her husband, my grandfather in 1948.  She remarried him in 1950, later claiming that she only did so because she did not want him to be alone in his old age.
 
I can recall other people being critical of Grandma Fannie or recounting her “past sins” prior to her becoming religious.  I do not recall Grandma Fannie denying her past “sins” of commission or omission.
 
I would like to claim that I never have any judgmental thoughts or utter any judgmental words.  I wish the number of bite marks on my tongue proved my success in not uttering judgmental words but, alas, that is not the case. 
 
As a certified addiction the therapist and a licensed counselor I often suggest that folks explore the use of the 12 step recovery programs such as AA, NA, OA, and SAA/SA.  My understanding of this program is that it focuses on learning to be accountable without shaming.  There is no denying the harm of active addiction to self and others.  Recovery requires one own the accumulated garbage of one’s action in order to understand why one would benefit from engaging in different behavior in the future. 
 
This seems to be the teaching to which Grandma Fannie was referring when she quoted from Matthew.  I find it particularly fascinating that there is no weighed list of “sins” (hurts to self, others and Mother Nature).   Although I frequently hear Christian ministers quote portions of the New or Old Testaments to justify such a weighed list that is not my understanding of the teachings of Jesus or what the science of psychology teaches us about how to change human behavior.  Psychological studies consistently indicate punishment is not an effective tool for change. 
 
Our cultural and judicial system in the United States clearly assigns levels and lengths of punishment for particular hurts.  Sexual abuse of children, murder (without identified extenuating circumstances), sale of illegal drugs, abuse of older citizens, immigration violations and some other “sins” are deemed deserving of severe punishment while creative tax evasion, use of “creative” techniques to convince people to purchase and become addicted to unhealthy products, huge prices for medication or other needed products to create profit for stockholders and to pay huge salaries to top executives are deserving of praise or mild rebuke in the form of relatively small fines.   There is no evidence that this system is effective in reducing sins/crime/hurt of self and others.  There is ample evidence that some individuals are unable to make decisions which consider the needs of other individuals or the community at large. Scientific studies continue to validate the limits of what we like to refer to as “free will”.  Wise teachers, including Grandma Fannie, had some understanding of these limits and the efficacy of being accountable (but not shameful) of our own behavior.
 
Clearly some people are unable to be accountable or to control their behavior. Mental illness or limitations may require that some be placed in a safe environment.  Some may be responsive to treatment. Some may not.  All need to be treated as we would treat any sick person or any person unable to make decisions to refrain from hurt to self or others.
 
When Grandma Fannie decided that Grandpa Ed’s behavior was too hurtful for her to continue to live with him, she divorced him until he was able to limit or stop his hurtful behavior.  He experienced her actions as hurtful but that was not her intention.   Her intention was to have a safe home for herself.   When she was satisfied it was safe she remarried him but she was careful to be clear about her rights and expectations when she drafted a pre-nuptial agreement.
 
 
This may be the toughest teaching to which to aspire.  It is much easier and often much more comfortable to judge than it is be accountable for one’s own behavior or to admit that one is unable to control one’s behavior.  Withholding judgment from oneself may be even more difficult than withholding judgment of others.  Yet, focusing on changing one’s behavior, with or without professional help, is doable.
 
Thanks to Grandma Fannie, the founders of AA and all wise teachers for this important reminder.
 
Written July 26, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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​Reality
Grandma Fannie says:  Color inside the lines but don’t go along with the crowd.
 
The definition of sanity could be said to be the ability to have a shared reality.  Yet, if we use this definition in a sharply polarized society we would all be working to commit each other to mental health facilities.  Of course, the problem would be that with everyone locked up there would be no staff and, thus, no facilities
 
We in the United States have a history of priding ourselves on being independent individualists; to not go along with the crowd.   At the same time we have been taught to not cause trouble; to obey or follow a host of written and unwritten rules; to not color outside of the line; to not cause trouble or upset people.  These conflicting messages have often resulted in a society of people who believe that their reality is the only possible sane reality.  Many would go even further and suggest that their reality is the only possible moral reality. 
 
I vividly recall, as a child, being told that saying l did something because my peers did it was not an acceptable reason.  At the same time, our mother was very shameful if we went to school with patched jeans or other signs that we were poor or different in any way different from other families.  As a matter of fact although we were extremely poor we were not the only poor family in the community.
 
Grandma Fannie was clear that learning was high on the list of admiral and moral achievements.  At the same time, she also had a lot of rules which essentially translated to not coloring outside the lines of acceptable behavior.  
 
Most of us in the United States grew up with the conflicting messages to be fiercely independent in our thinking and behavior while, at the same time, staying within the limited arena of shared reality of carefully constructed boundary fences. This training has led to very polarized and one might suggest schizophrenic  groups.  Whether it is political parties, religious groups, curators of history, school systems or other groups we want to belong to a group which limits our thinking/our reality which is in opposition to those who belong to other groups which limits their thinking.
 
One cannot be blamed if one is confused or if one questions the shared reality of any group of people.
 
Perhaps the only shared reality which makes sense is that humans - especially humans in the United States - need to take a step back and attempt to identify the questions.  It is, after all, the questions which will shape reality.  Perhaps some of the questions on which we might agree are:
 
·      Is there a cause and affect interplay between all parts of the universe(s)?
 
·      Is team work more productive than working as individuals?
 
·      If team work is more productive it is advisable for all members of the team to be as healthy as possible?
 
·      Are we still learning how nutrition, stress, and genetics affect each other?
 
·      Is reality created by a mind of an individual or is it external/universal?
 
·      Is shared reality going to be shaped by the questions we ask?
 
·      What factors affect our thinking and, thus, our view or reality and the resultant decisions?
 
·      If reality is created in the mind should we kill each other because of the lack of a shared reality?
 
·      Is free will a very questionable concept at best?  Why  do physicist such as Brain Greene question free will?
 
·      It is our daily intention to create a more just and loving world or to prove our neighbor’s reality is wrong?
 
One could fill many pages with these and related questions.  Perhaps the most basic questions we must ask Grandma Fannie are:
 
·      Should community rules shape our shared reality?
 
·      Is reality necessarily and always evolving?
 
Written July 21, 2021
Jimmy Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
        
 
        
 

Sunday Musings - July 18, 2021
 
Heraclitus, the pre-Socratic philosopher is reputed to have said, “You cannot step into the river twice.”   He also said, “The only constant is change.”
 
Many of us are fearful of change and, yet we know that the opposite of change is not standing still but moving backwards.
 
Jean-Jacques Rousseau  in Meditation on a Solitary Walk said, “Everything is in a constant state of flux.”
 
I am sure these wise reminders have been repeated by wise men and women since the beginning of time.  I am equally sure that every living being is confronted with these truths.
 
Despite the kernels of wisdom which are patently obvious us humans often become very anxious when presented with the reality of change.  We seem to be particularly fond of the illusion of permanence.  At the same time most would admit they become easily bored and look forward to adventures which, of course, are about change.  One might wonder what makes the differences,  if one labels an upcoming event an adventure one might experience an anticipatory excitement which is similar to anxiety. One might have second thoughts about the upcoming adventure, but often one will follow through and be happy they did so.
 
The history of most of us is that we do fine with change.  We may get anxious, kick and fuss for a bit, but we meet life on life’s terms.   Sometimes we do better than just meet life on life’s terms.  We manage to use the new situation as an opportunity to learn and grow.
 
Brain Greens the theoretical physicist and his colleagues remind us that we emerged from chaos and every step of our evolution is, by definition, the result of change.  He reminds us that when particles pull on each other gravitationally they come closer together resulting in them falling in on themselves into an ordered ball creating a star or a planet.  Similarly, opposing social forces may also fall in on themselves into an ordered new creation analogous to a star or a planet.
 
Of course, there are negative changes.  War, poverty, oppression, domestic violence, sexual assault, vehicle accidents, addiction, cancer and other diseases  bring great suffering.   The collapsed of a high-rise condo in Florida, 93,000 addiction related deaths this past year in the United States, the attachment to guns in the United States and the resulting B grade movie like behavior of pulling out guns to shoot each other over some disagreement, the damage by “acts of God”, the brainwashing abuse by some religious individuals and institutions, and a host of other destructive actions acutely affect many. 
 
Some attribute change to  the god of their understanding.  I heard a clergy person recently say that climate change is a result of the god of their understanding being angry about gay marriage.  I heard another cleric say that the cure to social ills is for men (those beings with genetically we associate with males) to reassert their duty as head of the family and for females to “submit” to their husbands.  These clerics may be expressing sincere beliefs and/or they may be consciously or unconsciously be acting out of a fear of the loss of authoritative power.
 
On this Sunday what if we accept “we cannot step into the same river twice.”?  What if all is possible? What if out of the chaos of our opposing forces we create a new star or a new planet, a new symphony or a new Sistine Chapel ceiling?
 
Written July 18, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
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Creating sacred spaces
 
Recently I was driving and had the radio tuned to the local National Public Radio program.   I listened to a woman talking about the relationship we humans create or allow with spaces.  The speaker was suggesting that during the pandemic many individual have developed a closer and more intimate relationship with the spaces in which they live and work.  Later in the program there was a conversation with Siamak Harriri, the Toronto Architect who designed the Bahai Temple in Chili. I was not able to identify the NPR program but I did find the Ted Talk by Sikamak Hariri  entitled “How Do You Create a Sacred Space?”.   Mr. Hariri is a member of the Bihari faith. Mr. Hariri said that the temple design had to embody beauty, sensuousness, and atmosphere.  He also said it had to be a circular room with 9 entrances - 9 paths.  Nine symbolizes completeness and perfection.   Bihari temples are open to people of all religions.  They believe “Throughout history, God has sent to humanity a series of divine Educators - known as manifestations of God - whose teaching have provided the basis for the advancement of civilization.  These Manifestations have included Abraham, Krishna, Zoroaster, Mosses, Buddha. Jesus and Muhammad.  Baha’u’llah, the latest of these Messengers, explained that the religions of the world come from the same source and are in essence successive chapters of one religion from God.  Baha’ois believe the crucial need facing humanity is to find a unifying vision of the future of society and of the nature and purpose of life.” (Bahai. Com). They further believe “If the learned and worldly-wise man of this age were to allow mankind to inhale the fragrance of fellowship and love, every understanding heart would apprehend the meaning of true liberty and discover the secret of undisturbed peace and absolute composure.”
 
This is an introduction to the invitation of the temple to all who enter it.   I was reminded of the Jewish marriage ceremony and the chuppah or canopy which is a private space for the couple but also open on all sides and symbolizes being open to family and friends. 
 
In the home of the Jewish family and the temple created by members of the Bahai community there is a relationship with the space.  Home is not just a place to feed one’s body or perform rituals.  The space says:  “Welcome.” It says: “I will nurture you while you nurture me.” It says:  “I will bring forth your radiance.”
 
When I set up my home and office my goal is for it to be a space which says: “Welcome. You are safe here.  You can be you here. You are loved here.”  Whether a space is my home and office for an hour, a week or many years, the goal is to create a sacred space - a place where it is safe to heal and grow.  When I am traveling I stop before I arrive at a temporary home/office and purchase fresh flowers which will be placed in the center of the room in which I will welcome those who come to continue their healing journey.  Whether someone arrives in the flesh or via zoom or even the phone the goal is for them to know this is a sacred space.
 
Many spiritual teachers or other healers emphasize that it is important for one to be present if one is to continue their healing spiritual journey.   Whether working outside, in an office, a restaurant, in one’s kitchen  or in the space of those who are considered homeless, it must be claimed as sacred.  The goal becomes for all who enter to be absorbed into this sacredness.
 
Hate, jealously, judgments, self-centeredness, and an absence of an awareness of being in a relationships will break the bond of sacredness. 
 
My friend Dorothy was intentional about bringing a temple of  sacredness with her even as she was walking one night to the college parking lot after she finished teaching for the day.  When a troubled soul approached her to steal her purse, he was absorbed into her sacred space which, even in his challenged state,  made mistreating her impossible.
 
Many Native Americans with whom I spent time appreciated the sacredness of all of creation.  Their goal was to add to and not subtract from the sacredness of all that is and all that is in the process of becoming.  Thus, even the tools such as fishhooks were carved and painted since they too became part of the sacred space.
 
When we fail to create or honor space as sacred nothing within that space is sacred. When nothing is sacred it can be easily mistreated.  When we enter a space to work, shop or perform some other task if we think of it as just there to serve our needs  there will be no mutual nurturing of each other.  This creates discord or negative energy.  When we enter a space with the assumption that it is sacred, we will treat it and all in it as sacred while we incidentally perform a task. 
 
Perhaps we could all commit to being more intentional about making every space we enter sacred.
 
Written July 13, 2013
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
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Sunday Musings - July 11, 2021


In houses of worship around the world communities of individuals gather.  Many gather Friday evenings. Some gather on Saturday and some on Sunday.   Some gather for daily worship.  Others are called to prayers several times a day.  In every religion there are elders - known as rabbis, ministers, prophets, theologians or imams.  Some are inclusive of males and females while others continue to believe that only males are called or ordained by the god of their understanding to be leaders.  Many will restrict leadership or even membership to heterosexuals.   No matter the algorithms, almost all will be convinced that the god of their understanding and the leaders through which their god or gods speak or have spoken are the only reliable source of truth.   A few, such as the those leaders in the Unitarian Universalist Church, will welcome a rich mixture of religious frameworks without a need to limit the prophets or the gods of one’s understanding. 


No matter which religious framework, the overall goal is to discern a purpose and a set of rules  for this life journey. For some this life journey is  ‘merely’ a preparation for “eternal life” or the next incarnation in one’s spiritual growth.   The purpose may demand or command a limited or a wide view of community and a leadership role in fighting against what is understood to be immoral or even evil behavior in themselves and others.


Often, even in nations which do not identify with a national religious framework, elected, appointed and other leaders attempt to impose their belief system.  They may do so because they sincerely belief that morality dictate certain freedoms and restrictions.  The may also do so because it is politically expedient.


In these United States of America which does not have a national religion and which, in fact, has a clear requirement that church and state be separated, many citizens are convinced that they have been able through study, discussions, and even prayers to determined what will best serve the mission or purpose of the nation.  They will often reference such documents as a religious text, the Declaration of Independence or the constitution.  Many religious leaders will support or even demand a particular set of behaviors from the body politic. How one creates the conditions to achieve that goal may be the subject of very heated arguments.   Such has always been the situation in these United States. Many good people who sincerely want what is best for all the citizens have strong beliefs about the right, moral or practical way to move forward in making these United States the best possible nation state for its citizens. They may quote or share the seemingly well thought out opinions articulated by learned scholars.  Their opponents can also often share seemingly well thought out and supported opinions articulated by other learned scholars.  Each side may be convinced that they and only they have the only possible “truths”.  Whether or not one has the only possible truths becomes a matter of not only simple pride but the determinant of one’s worth. They may believe that espousing an opposing view is a direct threat to the safety and well being of themselves and their families.  




When in the course of human events such a collection of strongly held beliefs exists the connective tissue which had heretofore held a nation together may be in danger is dissolving. This leaves a group of independent communities or nation states within what is now a pseudo nation; a nation which no longer has a common goal other than the negative goal of silencing those with opposing views.


Such seems to be the current situation in these United States.  Civil, respectful debates seem to be near impossible.  Certain key words become the matches which ignites fires  Those words have completely different meanings for individuals. Their power is such that individuals with opposing views may not be able to tolerate speaking to each other. 


On this Sunday which for many is the sabbath and for others the day following the Friday or Saturday sabbath the question which religious and spiritual leaders need to address is their role in promoting or discouraging a common purpose which is not dependent on the views of  learned scholars but embraces the simplicity of shared resources; of acceptance of our common humanity. 


Written July 11, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
​

Hopelessness in the United States
The Chicken or the egg
 
Between 1999 and 2018 288,000 United States while males committed suicide with guns. I found conflicting reports when searching for gun violence via race. I did find reports that poverty, exposure to violence, drug and alcohol abuse, unemployment and other social ills were more likely to affect rates of gun violence.  i also found reports that a larger percentage of black people are in favor of restrictionson gun ownership that are white people.  (What the ‘black on black crime’ fallacy misses about race and gun deaths by Shirley Cardswell, July 20, 1920 Washington Post. 
 
Various reports indicate black people are as much as 3 times more likely to suffer fatal shootings by police.  Many reports indicate the level of identified crime is higher in poor communities.   For example, police in the small city of Wheeling, WV reported last year that a significant percentage of calls regarding criminal activity came from homeless camps. Are we really surprised that when living in open survival mode that one is not at one’s best?  Are we surprised that living in such open proximity to each other may make us more vulnerable to our own worst behavior and ensure that behavior is more visible?  Is domestic violence in protected neighborhoods less present or less visible; less likely to be reported?  Call for police response (from?)  was used as justification for destroying homeless camps in Wheeling and other cities.
 
Recent research suggests that overall level of violence in the world, including in the United States, is lower than it has ever been although there are specific areas and historical times when violence increases.  This year in the United States the number of gun related injuries and death is astonishing high.
 
Most addicts, all those who are suicidal, and those who are not willing to work for minimum wage seem to have one thing in common:  a feeling of hopelessness and not belonging. It seems in the past there were more people who believed in the “American dream”; that they could work hard and be financially better off than their parents.  Thia seems to no longer be the case.  Studies for many years have indicated an overwhelming majority of young people in the United States are in college to learn skills or gain credentials which will allow them to make money.  The percentage who say they are in college to create a better world for themselves and their families is very low. 
 
Obviously, one can find statistics or “documents” to support a variety of opinions about the extent and causes of violence, including gun violence.  One can also “point fingers” at the seeming attachment in the United States to separating people into good and bad people, the  pattern of blaming and treating the symptoms instead of the disease, and the seemingly sharp divide between the “love it or leave it” philosophy and the call to face our past sins as well as our accomplishment as a nation.  One can also point fingers at parents or others for the loss of faith in a god which is exclusionary of all except true believers. 
 
Perhaps it is time to quit the blame game or attempting to figure out if the chicken or the egg came first and focus on exploring for and with each other the larger philosophical and ethical issues of the world we want to create and leave our children.  Defining one’s worth or success in terms of externals such as money, power or possession works for a limited time and then only if one limits one inner circle to those who are searching for meaning and purpose in a similar manner.  Dividing ourselves and others into the “righteous and sinful” camps is not helpful.  Blaming violence on those reacting to the history of oppression is not helpful. Treating the oppressor or the oppressed as if they can be defined by their worse selves is not helpful.  We should be able to agree of some positive goals which include:
 
·      Ending racism, sexism and all forms of oppression.  Not defining worth in comparative, socially constructed or material terms.
 
·      Ensuring that all schools are equally well funded.
 
·      Ensuring that all teaches are paid a decent wage.
 
·      Ensuring that all have uncomplicated equal access to safe, affordable housing, utilities, nutritious, affordable food, quality health care, fair and equal access to the protection of a judicial system, the right to be treated for illness and not symptoms, and an environment which is not in the process of being destroyed.
 
·      Ensuring that all have the right to equal, just protection of government services including police, fire department, IRS and others.
 
·      Ensuring that all jobs are equally valued and honored - teacher, parent, janitor, doctor, nurse, factory worker, construction worker.
 
These are achievable goals to which we can all agree.  We have proven in these United States and in other countries that we are perfectly capable of achieving goals when we work as one.  Let’s agree on the goals without any attachment to emotionally burdened labels - economic, gender, religious, or professional.  We can each contribute our best talents and achieve these goals.
 
Written July 8, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org


 
 
 
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